


these colors that you see

by IsleofSolitude



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/M, M/M, Quentin is Awkward, Semi AU, julia didn't get into brakebills, season 1 divergent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-10-24 17:40:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17708747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsleofSolitude/pseuds/IsleofSolitude
Summary: They were supposed to be studying, but now Margo is laughing, Alice is upset, Penny cusses, Kady ignores it, and Quentin reevaluates.





	these colors that you see

When they were little, Quentin and Julia had laid under the table and imagined Fillory was real, and just so ready for them to come adventuring. He would focus on the map in all its black and white glory—though his eye would constantly wander back to the one color that broke up the monochromatic sight that was his life: The golden towers of the castle. Quentin would sometimes stare until his eyes burned, until the color could flash into his sight at his whim.

No doctor or scientist had an explanation for why only one color was able to be seen by an individual. Quentin knew other colors existed—Julia had once tried to explain what “purple” was, and his parents talked of red and yellow—but no matter how much he stared he could not see anything but gold. Sometimes it was in flashes of the sunrise, flowers, or a leaf in the fall.

When Quentin was in the worst of his depression, he clung to the gold in all its forms and held tight until he could breathe again.

* * *

 

“ _Quentin_ _Coldwater_?” The voice was incredulous, sarcastic, bored, and unimpressed, but Quentin was too confused—and overwhelmed—to read into whatever was written across the tall stranger’s face---He had followed his paper past the fence and then he had emerged into someplace warmer and brighter and the sun was out and there was

Color

Everywhere and this tall man—wait, he had just introduced himself as Eliot—was looking at him as if waiting for an answer. Quentin just stared, confused, and the man sighed. “You’re late. Come on.”

The blonde blinked again, focusing on the figure walking away from him. The colors were dazzling and the white on the shoulders he followed was almost a comfort.

* * *

 

Brakebills University. Yellow. Magic. Blue.  Magicians. Green. New York. Purple.

It had been weeks and his head was still spinning. Quentin had started making friends: There was the man who had first greeted him, Eliot in all his extravagant, easy going ways checking on him, and Eliot’s friend (girlfriend? Best friend? Gay friend?) Margo, who was some intimidating mixture of bittersweet that made him scared and relieved during their interactions.

He had met Alice through their classes—she was a first year like him—and Quentin’s roommate Penny, who was hateful and quick to insult a good magician. The three of them and Kady, Penny’s friend (girlfriend? Girl? Friend with benefits?) had begrudgingly formed a rather successful study group and were passing their classes so far.

Alice and he had grown closer, and were maybe dating? Did magicians even date like he was used to? Did Alice think they were dating? They had held hands but no discussions of the sort had happened…Oh no maybe they weren’t dating?

“Quentin! Are you even listening?” Dating or not, Alice sounded quite exasperated right now. And she had every right to, they had their first major exam tomorrow and the new material was not something that any of them felt confident about—Except for Alice, who could have been getting some rest but instead was burning the midnight oil to help them.

“Of course he’s listening, sweetie, you can’t blame him for tuning out after another explanation he didn’t understand right?”

Margo had chosen to use Quentin’s room to sleep off her hangover hours ago, claiming the physical house was too loud. She had woken up not long ago and instead of leaving, seemed content to laze on Quentin’s bed and make comments as she pleased, something that had irritated Alice from the start and was now making the blonde’s eye twitch periodically. Quentin tried to think of something to keep the peace, because Penny and Kady were too busy rolling their eyes and ignoring the others—and Quentin refused to look so closely but Kady’s hand was nowhere to be seen and Penny seemed to be too still and ooookay time to say something.

“Sorry, Alice, I was trying to listen, but I just got distracted.” He tugged the scarf loosely draped on her shoulders.

She frowned but he could see her eyes losing their pinched look. “Oh, what this time? Still unable to believe you’re at Brakebills? The never ended loop of Taylor Swift you have in your head?” She inched closer until their knees were touching and smiled shyly. “Something else…?”

Yeah, maybe they were dating…or at least close to it. Quentin smiled. “All of the above? Sometimes, yeah, it’s just all the magic and then others, it’s like, I’m overwhelmed because of all the colors, still not used to that—Alice you okay?”

His maybe-girlfriend had paled and was staring at him in shock. The magician-in-training looked around worriedly, just now recognizing silence had followed his statement. Kady was leaning towards him, eyebrow raised and Penny was looking between him and Alice with a disbelieving look on his face. Margo had sat up in bed.

“Wait, Q, what did you just say?”

“Yeah, did you say colors, as in more than one?”

Quentin felt his palms getting sweaty and resisted the urge to wipe them on his pants until people had stopped looking at him. “Um. Yes? I thought…isn’t that a Magician thing?”

They stared at him. Margo cleared her throat after a moment, glancing at Alice, who stared determinedly at her hands. “And, um, Q Sweetie? How long have you been seeing all the colors?”

Quentin didn’t want to answer. He wanted to rewind time and just never mention colors because he was a freak even here among the magicians, still fucked up for all that being different should have been a good thing. He took a breathe and remember the gold of a faded upside map. “Since…before the preliminary exam? As soon as I arrived here…”

Alice flinched, scrambling to her feet and all but running out the door. Kady twisted away from the small book avalanche left in her wake and muttered “Is his girlfriend okay?”, and Margo fell back, laughing.

Penny shook his head. “Oh shit, dude.”

* * *

 

Oh shit was right.

Apparently, even Magicians only saw one color. Its why spells relied on finger movements and ingredients organized by literally everything other than color. The significance of the color had been a theory hotly debated but never proved, even by them.

Magicians were different though, for they had the potential to one day see all the colors, all the shades and tones and variations that were possible.

See, Magicians could see color when they set eyes on their soulmate.

* * *

 

“But why is it called soulmate? I mean, couldn’t it be called like bonded? Did a Magician prove that we have souls?”

“Q, sweetie, do you want me to explain or do you want to ask nerdy, stupid as fuck questions?”

“Sorry, Margo.”

“Now as I was saying, you’ve been able to see colors this whole time?” At his sad nod, she put a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Do you see why Alice would be mad?”

He winced. “Because…I didn’t tell her?”

Margo let out a harsh laugh. “Oh baby, really? Are you that stupid or are you just in denial because neither one is attractive, Q.”

Quentin hunched his shoulders. “You don’t know that Alice isn’t my soulma—”

“She’s not.”

“But—“

“Nope.”

“Margo! You’re not even listening.”

“I don’t need to.” Margo examined her nails and then stuck one so close to his eyes Quentin was temporarily scared. “You listen, Q, and you listen good. Alice? She’s not your soulmate.” She glared. “Shut up.” His mouth closed obediently. “Alice knows about soulmates. The colors are mutual, Q. If she was yours, she’d be seeing colors to and you would not be fucking clueless about how the world works in yet another way. No, she would have either jumped your bones or broken up with you. You said you saw colors from the first time before you even met her, so no. Accept it.”

Quentin roughly scrubbed his eyes with his palms. “Okay, fine! So if not her, who?” He tried to ignore the ache in his chest, the need to talk to Alice, to see her. She had ignored him during class, and slipped in and out before he could catch up with her.

Margo shrugged, patting his cheek. “When did you see the colors?”

“As soon as I was past the wards.”

“And who was there?”

“No one, just El—“ And Quentin felt all his breathe leave his body, a feeling Margo seemed to share as they stared at each other in dawning awareness.

Anger gathered in the brunette’s countenance, but Quentin couldn’t focus on her very creative curse as he stared at nothing in particular and struggled to breathe. His soulmate wasn’t the girl he had started dating, his friends would probably stop talking to him now because he fucked it all up, Julia wasn’t even a magician and they had fought and now he had lost Julia and Alice…

He felt Margo’s hand squeeze his, and her shoulder press into his arm. Her voice was soft, softer than even when she was threatening people at her most pissed.

“It’ll be okay, Q.”

* * *

 

Margo let him into the physical house, and then she stormed out because if she saw him “I’m going to tell him every single way he has fucked up this time, I mean it Q I am so damn furious right now I’m going out otherwise I will ruin your little romantic conversation.”

So Quentin found a little spot in front of the fireplace, and waited. Eliot usually partied here, he knew, preferring to stay in if he was going to get into an altered state. Today was Friday, so if Eliot didn’t skip his last class he’d arrive around six. If he did skip, he should have been here already. Looking at the clock, Quentin took out a book because he might as well study.

Not that he was able to focus. Margo had explained the soulmate part, but she had nothing to explain why Eliot hadn’t immediately spilled the beans.

“I didn’t know, Q. I knew he had a crush on you, he always has a crush on one or two of the new meat, I thought it was just that. He didn’t say a word about colors or anything…”

As far as he could tell, Eliot was openly bisexual, and openly sex positive. Quentin knew that Margo and Eliot had previously had sex, though he wasn’t sure if it was a long term thing or a onetime thing. Margo and Eliot had no secrets. So…why did Eliot keep it a secret?

Only one thought made sense, and it was the one that hurt the most.

“Why, Quentin Coldwater, what a surprise.” Eliot’s voice sent a shiver down his spine and Quentin wished desperately he was braver because he did not know how he was going to survive this conversation.

“Hey, El.” He twisted to smile at him. Eliot crossed from the door to the bar and began mixing a drink.

“You want one?”

“Oh, sure, I guess.” There was silence as Eliot went through the motions, and Quentin wipe his hands, antagonizing over whether he should close the book or if it would work as a shield. He decided on leaving it in his lap but closing it just as Eliot rounded the couch and handed him the tumbler.

“Cheers.” Quentin gave a strained but hopefully normal smile and clinked their glasses. Eliot sank into the other end of the couch and let out an appreciative sigh after he drank deeply.

Over the brim of his cup, Quentin let himself look at his soulmate—really look—for the first time. In the firelight, Eliot looked beautiful. Quentin had always known he found Eliot attractive, but he had never let himself really appreciate it. First he was so confused by his arrival to Brakebills, then overwhelmed with the test, and distracted by fighting with Julia, and struggling to adapt, and then by the time he finally felt like he was getting his feet under him, he had noticed Alice.

Meanwhile, here was Eliot, steady and sarcastic and here for him, showing him around and explaining things but keeping a huge secret under wraps—and now that he thought about it, Eliot had distanced himself in the last week or two, hadn’t he?

Quentin had chocked it up to exams, the one time he noticed, but maybe…maybe it was something else.

“Q? You gonna answer me buddy?”

“Huh?” Eliot was looking at him with a raised eye brow. What question had he missed?

“I said, have you seen Margo?”

Quentin fiddled with his glass. “Not in a few hours. She seemed annoyed by something and didn’t want to deal with anyone here.”

Eliot took a sip. “Hm. I wonder what moron pissed her off this time.”

They sipped in silence for a bit. Quentin wondered how he should broach the subject. Maybe casually bring up different colors in conversation, spacing them out so Eliot didn’t know what he was doing…Yeah that might work.

“Hey, El…”

“Yeah, Q?” Eliot focused his brown eyes on Quentin, and the firelight flickering in them made Quentin’s mind lose all train of thought except—

“…Gold.”

“What?” Eliot tilted his head, bemused.

But Quentin was not. He shook his head and ran his fingers down the book spine. “Why didn’t you tell me Eliot?”

Eliot leaned back, swirling his cup casually. “What, I mean, tell you what?” Despite his efforts, his voice gave away that his guard was up.

Quentin didn’t know whether to throw something or run away. “About soulmates. I assume you knew we were, given that you must be seeing everything now.” Margo had said they were always mutual but what if… “I mean, you are seeing all the colors, right?”

Eliot threw back the last of his drink and cradled the empty glass in two hands, not looking at Quentin. “Yes. I am.”

His shoulders dropped with relief. “Why didn’t you tell me, Eliot? I mean, it’s a pretty huge deal if people are to be believed.”

Eliot pursed his lips but said nothing.

When it became clear Eliot had nothing to say, Quentin felt that sour feeling from earlier burn in his throat. “Was it…are you…” He looked down, letting the bitterness bow his head. “Is it that awful? To be stuck with me?”

“What? Quentin, no!” Eliot shifted closer, cup abandoned hastily on the coffee table. One hand went to Quentin’s shoulder and squeezed. “No, Q, never. That’s not why...” He sighed, running a hand through his curly hair. “Look at me.”

Quentin felt like doing anything but, but Eliot had a way of commanding his attention in away no one ever had, so he raised his eyes just enough to make out the others’ face.

“There we go.” Eliot gave him a small smile. “It’s never been that, okay, I promise you Q.” His jaw worked as he thought about how to phrase his thoughts. “So, when you came through the wards and the colors popped into place, it just…I wanted to run away because everything was so raw and vibrant suddenly. It was disorienting. I focused on getting you to the exam because that was the only thing that was familiar.” He pulled his hand back to his lap and tapped his knee. “And then you were accepted, and everything was just so busy. I figured there would be time to break the news to you when we had a good moment alone and you didn’t look like you were still reeling.”

Quentin watched him quietly. For all that Eliot could bullshit verbally, he seemed to be small and struggling with the words now.

“And then you met, and crushed, on Alice. And at that point, I just…thought about how awkward it would be coming from me, when Alice and I don’t exactly get along.” He looked pleadingly at Quentin. “And I didn’t want to risk you know, you not believing me or calling me jealous, or Alice getting pissed at me, and I don’t know. I was scared. And I started thinking, maybe the soulmates thing was just overblown.” His jaw clenched and he leaned closer. “I’m sorry, Quentin.”

Quentin huffed out a laugh. “What a bunch of idiots we are, huh?” Eliot let out a chuckle, and Quentin shook his head. “You should have told me.”

“I know.”

“I felt like such an idiot when I found out.”

“Hey, maybe it’ll be a funny story later.”

Quentin leveled an unimpressed stare at him, and Eliot winced. “Okay, maybe not, just saying.”

The two stared at each, and then gradually the tension leaked out of their shoulders. Eliot reached out and squeezed his hand. “We okay?”

Quentin nodded. “Yeah. Just. Don’t keep stuff like that from me, okay?” When Eliot nodded, Quentin sighed. “So, what exactly do we do now.”

“Up to you, Quentin.”

Quentin knew what he should do. He should leave, now, and find Alice. He should talk to her before making any decisions. He should stand up, put his book away, and research soulmates.

But what Quentin actually did was this: He leaned in, closing the distance and placed a quick kiss on Eliot’s lips, and pulled back before Eliot could react.

“Um, is that…okay?”

Eliot just smiled, let their fingers intertwine, and leaned in to return the favor.


End file.
